Sunday, October 12, 2014

Why I am not a Feminist

Last year AronRa gave a speech at the Sexy Secular Conference in Akron, Ohio.  About half way through the speech he began to talk about feminism.  To quote him, "If you are not a feminist, then you are a sexist."   Needless to say, the internets fired back at him.  To date his video has a thumbs up ratio of about 55%-45% quite unusual as most of his videos are highly rated.  Others smarter than myself have fired back at this video so I will not do so here.  I will say this.  I can not be a feminist, as I am a man.  

Now I am well aware of the countless men who identify as feminists.  This dumbfounds me as I can not imagine why any man would do this other than of course as an attempt to get laid.  Where I come from, men are men.  Now the great thing about my generation and the ones coming of age now is that we are finally seeing equality in the western world.  We live in a fully integrated society of all different races and for the most part we all get along.  Of course exceptions still pop up now and then but you talk to someone from the 60's and they will tell you how bad it used to be.  

Likewise women have the right to vote, own property, and are given every right that a man has.  Feminists claim that their movement is about granting everyone equal rights but I don't necessarily agree with that.  Ask a feminist if she thinks a man should have the right to walk away from his parental and financial responsibilities even after the child is born?  I'm sure almost all of them would say no.  This is why I say feminists are for giving women rights equal to men, but not that men should have rights equal to women.  As it stands now, a woman does not have to even inform the man about the baby.  She can put the baby up for adoption, so long as the father is "unknown" and in response to dumpster babies that made the news a woman can walk up to any fire station, and just walk away from the child.  A father can not do this.  In fact a man can be held liable for child support even when he could not consent to sex.  

Now I will note this equality thing currently only exists in the western world.  In many parts of the world women are not even allowed outside without a male escort.  Only through freedom and education will this change.  

However, I can not be a feminist.  I am a man.  As a man I am attracted to a certain type of woman, a feminine woman, something many feminists try hard as they can not to be.  In today's blog I wanted to respond to a video by my friend LaciGreen.  Like the AronRa video many people responded.  However, those who chose to respond to LaciGreen did so in a very insulting way.  If for no other reason than to have a well thought out response to LaciGreen's video I wrote this blog.  While Laci and I obviously disagree on feminism, I consider her to be a good close friend that I have known for years.  This is the great thing about true friendship, you can disagree and still be buddies.  Here is her video.

WHY I'M A...FEMINIST *gasp*


In bold is her reason for being a feminist and in regular font is my response.

  1. Girls are taught in public school that once she has sex she loses a part of herself.  No citation is given so I had to look this one up.  Cal. Educ. Code § 51930-51939 requires that the benefits of abstinence be taught, as Laci is from California perhaps this is what she is talking about.  For the full list of each state's requirements you can look here.  As the law requires that abstinence be a part of sex education it is natural to assume that losing virginity would be discussed.  While I am not in favor of abstinence only education, as every state that has tried it has seen teen pregnancy continue to rise, on an individual basis every person who abstains from sex doesn't get pregnant or an STD.  
  2. Girls are taught that they are sluts and guys are studs if they sleep around.  No that is just how society thinks.  However I agree with Laci that this is a double standard that is unfair to women.  The solution of course is two fold.  One teach children to make responsible choices, and two when we witness someone being bullied, say something.  
  3. Amanda Todd  I myself believe she was the victim of parental neglect more than she was of bullying.  If you watch the video you can learn a few things.  Such as:  She was posing nude on the internet at the age of 12.  Where were her parents.  When blackmailed into doing a camshow she agreed rather than alert a parent or a teacher.  She admits to being with a boy knowing full well that he had a girlfriend.  She began to drink and to cut, and sadly took her own life.  While much of what happened to her was a direct result to her own conduct, still her parents should take much of the blame.  
  4. Felicia Garcia decided one day it would be a great idea to have sex with four boys from the football team.  She later learned that it was recorded and passed around her school.  She took her life by jumping in front of a moving train.  Like Amanda Todd I don't place her blame on the bullying.  Rather the bullying was simply the trigger for an already loaded and cocked gun.  She was a frequent runaway and was living with a foster family.  Still not every runaway commits suicide and not everyone who has a gangbang kills themselves.  In both cases I fail to see how feminism could have helped these two girls.  These two girls had little or no parental oversight and made very poor decisions.
  5. Laci is a feminist because she was told that her first time would be painful and bloddy. Laci has done some videos on virginity and the hymen based on her own experiences.  While it was not painful or bloody for her, not every girl is so lucky.  Some women bleed and others do not.  I don't think this is an issue feminism can address.
  6. One if four women is assaulted in society.  We better hide our kids and hide our wives because this bedroom intruder is raping everybody in here.  No citation is given but I found this. http://www.oneinfourusa.org/statistics.php  What it shows is that 72-81% of the time alcohol is involved.  This is why I don't do bar girls.  http://happycabbie.blogspot.com/2014/09/why-i-dont-do-bar-girls.html  The centers for disease control however shows that 42.2% of female rape victims were raped as minors.  http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/sv-datasheet-a.pdf  So that brings down the number of rapes down quite a bit as it is not so much people dragging women off in the alley as it is the weird uncle should not be a babysitter.  Here is some other problems with the one in four statistic.  It was first brought to light by Ms Magazine in 1987.  Ms Magazine commissioned Mary Koss of University of Arizona to do the study.  Koss’s study had serious flaws. Her survey instrument was highly ambiguous, as University of California at Berkeley social-welfare professor Neil Gilbert has pointed out. But the most powerful refutation of Koss’s research came from her own subjects: 73 percent of the women whom she characterized as rape victims said that they hadn’t been raped. Further—though it is inconceivable that a raped woman would voluntarily have sex again with the fiend who attacked her—42 percent of Koss’s supposed victims had intercourse again with their alleged assailants. http://www.city-journal.org/2008/18_1_campus_rape.html  Koss got such a high percentage by asking questions such as if a woman ever had sex that involved alcohol or drugs that she later regretted. This buyers remorse was counted as a rape.  Think about this logically, is one in four women really raped as in forced into sex against her will, or is it more likely that one in four women sometimes get drunk and regret having sex?
  7. Rape victims are asked what they were wearing.  On this I agree with LaciGreen.  Even in countries where women are required to cover their whole body even their face, rape still happens.  
  8. Male victims of rape are unfairly judged.  On this I agree with LaciGreen men can be raped by women and penile arousal is often an involuntary reaction and does not equal consent.
  9. Cat Calling I discussed this in another blog and you can click here if you want to read it.  http://happycabbie.blogspot.com/2013/09/IsItWrongToCompimentAWomanOnHerLooks.html   In a nutshell, yelling out how nice someone's butt is I think is innappropriate but complimenting a woman on her looks in a polite and respectful way always gets a positive response.  
  10. Her first boyfriend sexually assaulted her and her friends called her a slut.  As tragic as that is I do hope that her attacker is getting his as he rots away in prison.  I also hope that she no longer hangs out with that circle of friends.
  11. When she lectures at Universities about the need for consent there are people who laugh at her.  While nobody likes to be laughed at, I don't see how feminism can address this.
  12. Sex sells in advertising but don't breastfeed in public.  Since the dawn of marketing attractive men and women have been used to sell everything from food to cars, to dishwasher soap.  Good looking people catch our eye and that is what lures us to advertising.  When it comes to breast feeding I don't know too many women who want to do it in public as it means pulling their boobs out.  That is why there is a huge market for privacy cloths which cover up the lady as she feeds the little one.  Of course if a woman wants to whip it out in public then one of two things will happen.  People will look at her boobs, or someone will ask her to cover up.  
  13. Shaving is considered optional for men but mandatory for a woman  False.  Sorry Laci but this is simply not true.  In most high schools the boys are required to shave.  In the military (which exception for navy submarines) men are required to shave.  In law enforcement men are required to shave.  Even Disney only recently allowed it's employees to grow a mustache despite the fact that Walt had one. Many jobs that are service oriented prohibit facial hair (such as the food service industry)  The jobs where facial hair is allowed there usually is a policy in place regarding it's length and style.  There are very few places where my beard would be allowed.  In Western civilization it is considered feminine for ladies to shave their arm pits and legs.  Many also have in the pelvic region.  The fact that people stare at you for having hairy armpits is not an issue for feminism.  You are choosing to go your own way rather than conform to society.  You are not wrong for doing it, but it would be no different than if you put tattoos on your face.  It is something most people do not do and those who do get stared at.  FYI this comes from a man who shaves his armpits and trims his pubes.  I do this because I have found women prefer that area trim.  Likewise I am sure most Western men would prefer women shave their armpits.  
  14. The pressure we put on girls to value their appearance above everything else.  Things such as labiaplasty, boob jobs, hymenoplasty.  Women can be very self destructive in pursuit of short term goals.  They sun tan their skin until they look like a purse.  They get lip implants to give them permanent duck face.  They even get butt implants to make their butts look bigger.  Yet you show the before and after picture to the average joe and almost always he will chose the before.  Men like their women natural, as Sir Mix A Lot once said, plastic is made for toys.  Put the blame on women's fashion magazines with their photoshop and airbrushing.  Show me a feminine lady that is all natural and is not wearing more make up than Ru Paul and I will show you a woman with a long line of male suitors. 
  15. Circumcision.  On this Laci and I agree, circumcision is wrong and should not be done on children, however I don't see how feminism can solve this.  Rather education is the answer.  Thankfully all first year medical students are taught that circumcision is not recommended and this generation and those after it are having fewer and fewer circumcisions.  
  16. Movies featuring male orgasm is rated PG-13 while female orgasm is rated R.  No citation is given. Furthermore I can not think of a single movie that shows a male orgasm that got a PG13.  This appears to come from a story told by actress Erica Browning and is pretty much dismissed in this article for anyone who want to check it out.  http://www.crushable.com/2011/04/06/entertainment/the-mpaa-rates-movies-more-harshly-if-women-seem-to-be-enjoying-sex/
  17. Over 700 bills proposed by elected officials that regulate a woman's body.  0 for men.  No citation is given but if I were to take a guess most if not all of these involve restrictions on abortion or abortion clinics.  A popular law making the rounds of state houses now is a requirement that any abortion doctor have admitting rights to a hospital in the area.  This is to ensure that is something goes wrong, the doctor can directly admit the patient to the hospital without having to contact and refer to another doctor.  Now while every abortion is tragic, it is necessary to keep it safe and legal.  The best way to reduce abortion is to increase access to contraceptives.
  18. Very few women are elected to office.  As a source Laci cites this women make up 50.8 of the population but only 17 percent of congress.  This is not a feminist issue.  The answer is simple, run for office.  Instead of complaining about a problem, be part of the solution.  It is not that women can't win elections (Well unless you are married to Vince McMann) it is that not many women are running.  We have had female governors, senators, and both major parties have had women nominees as their Vice President.  
  19. Men dominate the top rungs of every industry in the world. Men take risks with their money and often wind up losing everything.  However with the right mix of effort, planning, ability, and occasionally luck, their investment pays off and the next big thing is here.  It could be a scientist working on a new synthetic fuel, it could be a computer programmer working on the next operating system, it could be a doctor who finds a less invasive way to perform life saving surgery.  In every case, these men dedicate half their lives to just getting educated enough on something before they even attempt to make it better.  This is not about equality, this is not about feminism.  It is about individuals taking risks and being rewarded for it.  The solution to more women dominating an industry is for more women to dominate the industry.  Sadly many parts of the world do not allow women the freedom that the Western civilization has, but the answer to that is education.
  20. Only one in four STEM jobs is held by a woman.  STEM of course is Science Technology Engineering and Mathmatics.  She cites this article by Forbes.  Forbes of course lays it flat out.  The reason why there is not more women in STEM jobs is because women don't enter those fields.  The article states that only 20% of BA degrees in computer science goes to women despite women getting 60% of all BA degrees.  The answer is clear, women go into other fields.  It is about women's choice isn't it?
  21. Women only own 6 percent of TV stations.  Solution, save up some money and buy a TV station it is not that we have a shortage of female business owners, it is just that women chose to invest in other things.  
  22. Women hold only 5 percent of executive positions in the media.  A possible guess is that the owner might hold the title of executive.  Solution is simple, buy a TV station.
  23. When she was younger, she was accused of being bossy, for assuming a leadership role. That is what a leader is.  If someone calling you a name prevented you from being a leader, then you were not ready.  Another theory is, perhaps your adults were trying to teach you to lead by motivation and inspiration rather than barking orders.  As Laci does not go into detail all I can do is guess.
  24. Pay Gap  Women do not earn 70 cents for every dollar a man earns.  This myth has been debunked so many times that those who continue to speak of it can only fall into two camps.  The first know it is a myth and has been disproved but continue to speak of it because it furthers their agenda.  The second is the loyal followers of the first crowd who don't have access to Google.  There is no middle, there is no third category.  The pay gap myth can only come about when you take the total earnings the average man and the average woman will make in a life time and put them side by side.  Then you have to take things like hours worked, level of education, and the nature of the jobs out of the equation.  The truth is men enter jobs that involve more time away from home, have greater risk of injury, or require higher levels of education.  While there certainly are women brain surgeons, truck drivers, and oil rig drillers, those are the exception as these type of high paying, high risk, high education jobs are typically filled by men.  Nothing is keeping women out of these jobs but the women themselves.  For more on the pay gap myth watch this video.
  25. Her less qualified male co-worker made almost as twice as much as she did at her first job. Now this one is hard to challenge as doing so would require her to get a hold of the pay stubs of her and her co-workers.  As I don't believe LaciGreen to be a liar I have no choice but to accept this story.   I only hope that her employer paid a hefty fine to the California Equal Employment Opportunity Commision which of course is responsible for going after companies that engage in such practices.  What I can say is that her first job was with Jo-Ann's Fabrics and Crafts.  A chain of retail stores.  Entry level. The only possible explanation for someone in retail at a big box chain store earning twice as much as someone else is they had to work more hours.  Big box stores do not pay a lot for seniority.  So either the co-worker was in management, had a specialized skill but I can't imagine what that would be. Unlike Wal-Mart, they don't have a tire and lube shop, or a pharmacy, where skilled labor is rewarded.  See this video where Laci Green talks about her first job, notice there is no mention of the pay gap.  Possible explanations include she was not aware of how much her coworker earned when this video was filmed, or Jo Ann's was not her first job.
  26. The media tells her that other women are her competition and it destroyed her friendships with women for almost 20 years.  I have no comment on that.
  27. Gender roles  This is probably one of the biggest disagreements that LaciGreen and I have regarding her views on feminism.  She clearly does not like gender roles, whereas I embrace them.  This coming from a guy who is currently wearing a pink shirt, has painted toe nails, and is a Brony.  Still I recognize that as a whole men and women are different.  While there are always going to be exceptions, men are men and women are women.  One is not better than the other.  Rather they are two halves to a whole.
  28. In 10th grade (usually 15-16 years old for those outside the US) someone called her male friend a pussy and it tore him up for weeks.  There is really not a nice way to respond to this, but this reaction is exactly why he was called a pussy.  When men call other men a pussy, it is not an attack on women or woman's private parts.  Boys at school saw your friend as emotionally fragile and decided to pounce on him.  I didn't say it was right, but it is part of growing up.  Being called names by other kids is a reality all teens must face.  The right thing to do for your friend was to encourage some positive male role models to take him on.  Hopefully that happened.  Two years after I graduated from high school some one younger than me walked up and thanked me for protecting him on the school bus.  Fun fact, I didn't even remember doing it.  However, according to him, he was being teased about his horrible acne.  I pulled him over and sat him down next to me, the next day his parents took him to the doctor where he got a prescription for his acne and his face cleared up.  Then he got some confidence, lost some weight, and boom he had a girl friend.  I am happy that I helped him when he needed it, hopefully your friend got some help as well.
  29. Her father never helped out with the housework.  A lot of traditional marriages are like that.  The husband works and the wife maintains the home.  Some of this you can actually blame on the mothers who fail in teaching their sons how to take care of themselves.  Likewise fathers who never take their daughter out to the garage to put new sparkplugs on the car.  You can't control how your parents were raised or how they raised you.  The only thing you can influence is how you will raise your children.  In my opinion every child should know how to cook and clean for themselves and have a working knowledge of the toolshed.  I don't see this as a feminist issue as much it is a cultural or a generational issue.  
  30. People still reject asexual, pansexual, and transphobe (I think she means transexual)  It was a generation ago that gays starting coming out of the closet and only now are they slowly getting the same rights that the rest of us enjoy.  In many states it is still legal to deny housing to someone because they are gay.  While the gays are just only now beginning to be given rights, I think it will be a generation or two more before the rest are allowed in.  When it comes to pansexuality, I think a lot of people are confused as to what it is.  Ask 10 pansexuals for a definition and you will get 11 different answers.  
  31. She is a feminist because she supports gay marriage.  I counter this with a google search on Feminists who oppose gay marriage.  In other words you don't have to be a feminist to support or oppose gay marriage.
  32. In many states it is still legal to discriminate against transgender people.  These laws will change with time, but it will take time.  As stated earlier I predict at least a generation or two.
  33. In 2013 only 5 percent of movies starred a woman of color.  In 2012 only 4 movies starred a LBGT character.  Well Halle Berry set all black women back with her Catwoman it looks like. Hollywood is about money.  Right now the big money makers are the comic book movies.  Before that disaster movies were all the rage.  Who knows what the next big thing will be.  What I do know is that any time she wants Oprah could make a movie.  The same goes for Ellen.  They could film themselves mowing the grass and it would be a box office hit, they have a following that large.  The only reason anything is made into a movie is because someone thinks it will sell tickets.  If you don't see it, then the obvious conclusion is there is not much demand.
  34. Half the girls in Yemen will be child brides.   On this Laci and I agree.  While it is their culture and custom to marry girls at a young age, it is a culture and custom that needs changing.  
  35. 65% of Brazilian girls believe that a woman who dresses in a slutty way deserves to be raped.  Laci cites this article from the BBC but leaves out the correction at the bottom of the page that says the correct number is 26% not 65%.  That correction was dated April 11, 2014 and Laci's video is published April 23, 2014 so she should have seen it.  That being said, 26 percent saying a woman deserves to be raped is shocking but not surprising when you consider the strong ties to the Catholic Church that Latin America has.  The way to sever those ties is with education.
  36. In Saudi Arabia women can not vote or drive.  On this Laci and I agree.
  37. Women are plundered as the spoils of war.  This sadly will always be the case as long as there are wars there will be plundering and pillaging.  
  38. Women who are angry at injustice are dismissed as simply being on their period.  You can not control what others say about you or to you.  You can only control how you react.  If you allow the comment about your period to stop you in your tracks then you have lost the debate.  Rather stay on track and undeterred and make the person you are talking to counter with something a little more thought provoking. 
  39. Her words would be taken more seriously if they were said by a man.  As stated before, don't allow other people's reactions to control you.  
  40. She is a feminist because she believes in gender equality.  Well as stated earlier I don't think feminism is about gender equality rather it is about giving women the same rights as a man.  
Although her thumbnail lists 60 reasons I was only able to count 40, or perhaps she rattled them off so fast that I lumped a few points into one.  Anyway, I am not a feminist.  I am a man and I was taught to be a man, man up and take actions and not let others place limitations on what I can and can't do.  While I recognize that equality has a long way to go in the developing world, it is well on track here in the West.  

In addition to not being a feminist, I don't think I could ever date a feminist.  I would much rather prefer to date a woman who embraces traditional sex roles like I do.  A nice feminine lady who loves taking care of her man is the kind of lady I am into.  

See my blog on why I am NOT a Men's Rights Activist.