Wednesday, September 17, 2014

These 14 gestures are NOT creepy

If you want a good laugh read  There really is no other way to describe my reaction.  Some of the 14 items and the reason the author, Julia Austin, thinks they are creepy is so silly it is beyond all logic.   Allow me to show you the introduction.

"Chivalry may not be dead, but sometimes it takes on the form of a stalker, or at the very least a creeper. Guys: we know you’re trying to be nice, but these gestures actually just send us running for the hills."

If you learn nothing else from this blog, ladies and gentlemen, is to be careful when taking dating advice from the other team.  Actions speak louder than words.  Observe what people do, not what they say.  For example, many ladies say they want to meat a nice guy with a steady job, yet many times they go for the bad boy with a lousy job.  More on this at the conclusion of this article. 

Number 1
Walking you to your car or home.  This mostly applies to nightclubs and bars I would guess.  As for me I don't do bars click HERE to find out why.  However, many clubs and bars are located in the bad part of town.  Trust me, if you don't offer to walk her home or to her car, you will be cut off from her.  The author seems to think that where she lives or what kind of car she drives is on a need to know basis.  Now if the lady is concerned that you might attack her, as the author states, she will not be seeing you again.  If she doesn't trust you NOT to attack her, she will not agree to go out with you when you call; assuming she didn't give you a bogus phone number.  

Walking someone home or to their car is a great way to keep the current date going.  While the author's suggestion to pay for a taxi is some good advice, the rest of what she writes is not something I can subscribe to.  Make the offer, she can always say no.  

Number 2
Offering to carry a woman's bags.  Okay, this is one of the posts that caused me to laugh.  The author is encouraging men not to do this because women think that the gentleman is trying to steal their bags.  Is she serious?  Okay picture this scenario.  You are checking into a hotel and notice the lady behind you lugging three suitcases, a stroller, and over 9000 children in tow.  You are really not going to lend a hand?  Or what about the old lady loading groceries into the trunk of her car.  You are not going to offer a hand?  Of course you would.  It is the right thing to do.

The author is so concerned about men stealing her latest haul from Bed, Bath, and Beyond that she forgets sometimes people are just nice for no apparent reason.  Now of course you don't just grab the bags out of her hand as the author implies.  A gentleman offers his assistance and the lady can accept it or not.

Number 3
Locking the passenger door.  The author thinks this is alarming to most women.  She forgets that almost all cars now have automatic door locks that as soon as the vehicle is put into motion the doors automatically lock.  Women know this as well, which is why no woman has ever screamed when the car doors automatically lock that I've been out with.  Granted there was a time I was driving a 1981 Oldsmobile with a busted window, and the doors didn't automatically lock but I didn't get too many ladies with that car.

Number 4
Offering you a ride home.  In each item the author displays a picture.  I have to share this picture with you to get the full effect.

This lady gets bonus points from me for being barefoot but I guess the author, 
Julia Austin, expects me to let this lady walk and offer no help at all.  

What Julia Austin seems to forget is sometimes people are nice just to be nice.  If I see someone needing a ride and I feel safe, I might offer them a ride in my car.  Fun fact, sometimes I pick people up and no sex is required.  Sometimes I might give a dude a ride in my car.  Now in previous jobs I've driven company cars and I had to follow company policy and not have riders.  I followed the rules and sadly it left some people out in the rain.  In my own car, if I felt safe in picking them up I would do so.  

Now if I am out on a date, say for example we arrange to meet somewhere, if I discover she is going home by bus or taxi, of course I would offer her a ride.  It keeps the date going.  It let's her know that I care and that wins me brownie points.  However, if she doesn't feel safe getting in the car with me, then my chances of seeing her again are pretty much nil.  So offer the ride, she can always say no.

Number 5
Leaving a note on your car or doorstep.  Ok on this one I agree this is a bit weird.  However, I can't think of a single guy who would consider this a good idea to get ladies.  She knows nothing about you other than you apparently follow her.  Guys the number one rule of getting to know ladies is approach approach approach.

I understand approaching women, especially beautiful women, can be intimidating.  I can tell you it gets better with ease.  Don't laugh at the guy who keeps getting rejected, as long as he keeps approaching he will eventually get somewhere.  The only person holding you back is yourself.  If you think your looks is getting in the way, get in shape, invest in some better clothes.  You have no idea how much a new suit can build up confidence.  Be the best you that you can be, hold your head up and be assertive.  The ladies will take notice.

Number 6
Calling to say goodnight the same night you get her number.  I know a lot of people swear by the three day rule:  Don't call a woman until three days later.  I myself prefer not to play games.  I will usually send a text message telling her it was a pleasure meeting her, then based on her response I might take it further and actually set up a date.  

Case in point.  Last week I met a girl and we were discussing feet.  I get pedicures and have found it to be a great conversation starter, she commented on my bright red toe nails.  Anyway I needed to get to an appointment so I told her I had to leave and asked for her phone number.  I put it in my phone and called her so my number would show up on her caller ID.  Boom we now had each others numbers.  Later in the afternoon I texted her letting her know that I was done and asked for her to call me that night when she had time.  She responded that she would.  She never called.  I sent one more text message asking her to call me when she found time and never did.  Obviously she changed her mind, irregardless I made contact keeping me fresh in her memory but ultimately she chose not to call.

What can we learn from this?  A great looking lady will always have options.  Now I find it is important to keep myself fresh in her mind.  However, the important thing is not to sound needy or desperate.  Never let on that you are so randy you could bang the crack of dawn and never let on that you are lonely and desperate for female attention.  Present yourself as a man with options at all times, even if you don't have options.  If the three day rule works for you then let it work.  I know what works for me and my method isn't the only one.  Just never give up and keep putting yourself out there.  Approach, approach, approach.

Number 7
Turning the phone off or turning it over.  The author, Julia Austin, thinks this is suspicious when men do it. Perhaps the man is worried about getting a text or a call from another female prospect.  To that I say...

When you are on a date with someone, especially a first date, you get one chance to make a good impression.  I can't think of anything that is more of a cockblock than today's smartphone, except maybe a screaming child; thankfully very few people bring their kids on their first date.  You are NOT in a monogamous committed relationship, this is the first date.  Of course your date probably has options, you wouldn't be dating him if he didn't.  

It is only when the two of you mutually decide to be exclusive that you should not have to worry about other people your love interest is dating.  Until then, realize that you are probably one of many, it is foolish to assume otherwise.

When I am on a date with someone, or meeting someone for the first time trying to chat them up, if they pull out their smart phone it signals one thing and one thing only.  I have lost their interest.  Time to move on.  On a date there is only a few reasons someone would interrupt their date to check their phone.  

  • Checking on the babysitter, move on
  • They are married to their job, and the job is calling them in their off duty hours, meaning that this relationship will always come second to the job, move on
  • The are in a committed relationship already and they are cheating on him or her, move on
  • They are making plans for a second date, or get together with some friends, you are not a romantic interest but rather just a means to a free meal, move on
  • The world would end and people would die if they were not available 24/7, there is nothing that is so important that it can't wait until the date is over.  What are they doing to do, change into their superhero outfit and fly off to battle the forces of evil?  Move on.
I have found that turning off the phone at the beginning of the date and announcing it is a great way to subconsciously prompt her to do the same.  After all, it is the courteous thing to do.  You are letting your date know that they are the only thing that matters and that they have your full undivided attention.

Number 8
Being pushy about paying.  Dufuq?  Okay guys, go ahead and take a lady out to dinner and ask for separate checks, see how far you get with her.  Welcome to Friendzone, population YOU.  The only type of woman who doesn't want you to pay is the militant feminist and you wouldn't have gotten to first base with her anyway.  However the scenario the author paints is quite ludicrous.  A man charging to the cashier to pay for the stick of gum or flagging down the waitress to cancel the credit card transaction.  What men do this?  I am not saying this is impossible to be true, but seriously what men has this poor woman been dating?

When you take a woman out on a date, the man pays.  It is expected.  You can minimize this buy opting not to go for the dinner and a movie cliche and find cheaper and more interactive things to do together, such as a hike, or a visit to a museum.  However, when you take a lady out to dinner, the server always gives the ticket to the man.  They don't even bother asking if you want two tickets.  It is assumed the man pays.  Now if a lady speaks up and wants to pay then let her.  Sometimes she may accept the offer to go out but insists on "going dutch (slang for each person pays their own share).  However, unless she speaks up, the man pays, to do otherwise labels you as a cheapskate who lives in the town of Friendzone.

Number 9
Feeding you.  Ok, this is bullwinkle.  Nobody does this on a first date.  Sharing food and feeding each other is a sensual interaction done by people who are more than likely already intimate with each other or soon will be.  For crying out loud look at the picture the author used to illustrate this offense.

Despite what the author, Julia Austin, would have you believe the lady in the photo is very much into what is going on.  Furthermore they are not even seated in a public place.  They are either at his place or hers. 

Number 10
Ordering for you.  On this one I can agree with the author, to a point.  She even suggests asking the lady if he can order for her.  However, there are many reasons why a man may want to order for a woman.  One he may be worried about his budget, when someone else is paying their eyes can get very wide.  Perhaps he has taken the proper steps and has his entire date planned and wants to ensure the lady doesn't fill up on pasta as he intends to take her out for ice cream latter.  Or in my particular case if I find myself at a place that serves alcohol, I have to ensure that my date stays sober.  

However, just to start ordering for a woman without asking is a pretty bold move and few are alpha enough to pull it off without disaster.  So I advise to sell the lady on the idea.  If you are worried that she may order the steak and lobster sell her on another dish and a good planner will have taken the time to know what is good on the menu to begin with.  Of course the smartest idea is to never go to a place you can't afford.  If your first impression is to shell out $200 for a date, be prepared to keep up that standard.  Be creative and find more interactive things to do besides the old standby dinner and a movie.  You will save money and both of you will have more time to get to know each other.

Number 11
Offering you his seat at the bar.  Ok, so obviously this bar/niteclub is crowded and is standing room only.  A gentleman offers you his seat, the proper thing to do is to say thank you or no thank you.  According to the author, Julia Austin, men do this to trap women into talking to them.  There is no need to feel trapped.  First you don't have to sit there.  Second, if you want him to buzz off, simply break out your smart phone and he will take the hint and walk away.  You are in a bar or niteclub.  This is where many people go to meet people for the purpose of dating.  Expect people to want to talk to you.

However, sometimes people are just nice to be nice.  It isn't just at the bar either.  Someone may offer their seat to a lady or a elderly person on the bus, at a crowded meeting, or anywhere else there are more people than chairs.  The proper thing to say is thank you or no thank you, not to scream stranger danger.

Number 12
Driving your car.  Apparently, the author, is dating men who just drive her car.  They don't ask, they assume. I have to ask, who are these men?  Perhaps the men she is dating don't have cars, well she needs to step up her game and date men who do.  I've been without wheels before.  When I lived in Phoenix I never really needed a car.  However in all my dating life have I ever assumed I would drive someone else's car.  If I am driving, then I am driving MY car.  Who are these men?

Number 13
On this one I simply can not summarize, I have to quote exactly what Julia Austin wrote:

"If your boyfriend does this, it’s one thing. If a guy you’ve only been on a couple of dates with does this, that’s just a forced date—now you have to have lunch with him, when maybe you’d planned on eating a sandwich over some spreadsheets. It could also mean he looked up the address of your work, and even lied to the security guard or receptionist about who he was so he could get in."

Yep, she is right guys, don't show up at the place of employment of a girl you just met and bring her lunch. I'm sure all of you are slapping your foreheads in amazement of this news.  Normal people don't do this. Normal people might ask what kind of work do you do, but no sane person shows up unannounced at your job.  People who do, are usually given restraining orders.  Again, what kind of men is Julia Austin dating?

Number 14 
Bringing you flowers on a first date.  Sorry, this is just flat out wrong.  This is dating 101.  It is NOT creepy to give a lady flowers on a first date.  Any woman who finds this creepy really should not be dating until their therapist says they can re-enter society.  Now again, dating 101 if you blow the bank on a first date expect to do so on the second and third.  Don't buy two dozen roses.  Buy a rose or a cheaper assortment of flowers, nothing more than a few dollars.  Have it put in a vase, most grocery stores can set you up for about five dollars.  It shows the woman you are trying to win her over, and you don't break the bank.

Another good tip, listen.  Somewhere the lady will mention something that you can use later as a gift idea. It could be her mentioning a T.V. show she likes, or a book she has read, or perhaps she is into unicorns or something.  On your next date show up with the appropriate gift and keep it under budget.  It will let her know that you were listening, a quality women crave like a crack addict loves crack, and it puts you more in her favor.  

For the third date don't get a gift.  Keep the gifts random and without pattern.  Otherwise you will have to present gifts for the remainder of the relationship.  Keep her guessing never knowing when the next gift will come but.  However, each gift is specifically tied to something that interests her.  This way, every gift you get is appreciated and you continue to win her favor.

In conclusion
Actions speak louder than words.  Nothing is more true when it comes to the world of dating and relationships.  Women are not experts and getting women, unless they are lesbian but trying to score with a lesbian is a futile effort.  If you want to have a fulfilling relationship with women or if you just want to score a notch on the bed, you need to talk to men who are successful with women.  That is what I am doing.  I am by far no expert on getting women, but I am out there getting advice from those better than me and putting myself up for rejection time and time again.  However, every once in a while I do hit my target.

Ladies likewise should not be getting their dating advice from men.  They should seek out women in their circle who has a corral full of male suitors.  Dating is no different than any other life activity we do to improve ourselves.  Get advice from those who are successful in what you are wanting to do.  

Lastly, be the best you that you can be.  Don't allow yourself to become stagnant.  Always work to improve yourself.  The only person holding you back is yourself.  Don't allow your own shortcomings prevent you from finding happiness and true love.