Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sometimes No Matter How You Try

Recently I became active on the dating scene again.  I spent several years in denial of reality and once I woke up I vowed never to make the same mistake again.  It took me quite a bit of effort to overcome many self imposed obstacles.  While some dates have worked out well, others were comically disastrous.

First and foremost is my weight.  It is nobody's fault but my own that I allowed by body to get to where it is and it is my job to fix it.  Secondly is my approaching technique is way off.  The only way to get better is to approach approach approach.  Most of the time I strike out, however there are times when I meet the right lady who wants some attention.  I have been out of the dating scene for so long I am way out of practice and I have to constantly force myself out of my comfort zone.

There was one lady I fancied on YouTube.  We had talked a few times via Google Hangouts.  We exchanged messages several times through various social media platforms.  While I think as a general rule dating someone you met on YouTube is a bad idea, this is the one person whom I was willing to make an exception for.  FYI the reason dating YouTubers is a bad idea is the angry videos each side posts after the break up.  Despite this, I was willing to take the risk on this one.

This lady had everything a guy could want in a lady.  I won't go into much detail as I don't want people to figure out who she is and start bothering her.  Needless to say she made her choice and the choice was no.  

I did everything to try and woo this lady.  Over a course of several months, I sent message after message asking for her to call me.  I didn't want to express my interest over a twitter.  Each time, the answer was the same.  There was always a reason why she couldn't call me that day.  I think she knew the reason I wanted to call her.  She had to have known.  There is no other explanation as to why she wouldn't give me 5 minutes.  

Perhaps she didn't want her number to show up on caller ID.  Well that is what *67 is for, or borrow someone else's phone, call from a payphone, ect.  The only logical reason why she did not want to call me is because she knew what I was going to say and she did not want to hurt my feelings by rebuffing my interest.

Part of me is dying to know why.  Why is this lady not interested in me?  However, the truth of the matter is I am simply not entitled to an answer.  Everyone has the right to date or not date whomever they want to. Really the only thing about me that can really change is my weight and my beard.  Perhaps she has too much self respect to date someone who is fat, or maybe she is not into facial hair.  Of course I could shave, but I really wouldn't want to.  A lot of people don't want to date fat guys, and that is normal.  However if it is something in my personality then changing myself would be the only way to go, and if I did that then I wouldn't be me.

The truth is I probably will never find out why she is not interested in me.  However, she clearly made her choice and I have to respect that.  I am not going to beg for a relationship.  I made my offer, it was rejected and now is the time to move on.  One thing life has taught me is that there is always another lady out there. 

Update:  A few weeks ago she began to post pictures of her and her boyfriend.  Unknown if this is in response to this blog, but the timing is suspect.  Still I am happy that she is happy and I will find happiness myself.