Saturday, September 13, 2014

Why I don't do bar girls

I just saw a video by my good friend ChristinePeace you can watch it HERE and be sure to help out with the ratings by the way.  The video was in reference to an article on Buzzfeed titled.  Will Misogyny Bring Down The Atheist Movement?  The short answer in my opinion is no.  There will always be atheists, and while organizations may come and go, there will always be people who just don't believe in God.

However, I wanted to take this article in a different direction.  Let's assume the accusation against Michael Shermer are true.  He intentionally got a girl drunk and took her back to his hotel to have sex.  He was never charged with a crime.  However, 4 years later atheist blogger PZ Myers published on Freethought Blogs an article accusing Shermer of rape based on his correspondence with the lady in question.  

Shermer's defense is pretty much he met a girl at a bar, they started drinking, she drank way more than he did to the point where he started to hide his drinks under the table, then went back to the hotel room and had sex.  This is one of many reasons I don't go to bars to hook up with girls.

  1. A girl who hooks up with a guy at a bar is rarely a good catch.  She could be cheating on her boyfriend/husband, or just broke up and is looking for rebound sex, neither of these are qualities one should look for in a partner.
  2. If you just want sex, go to a brothel.  The women in brothels are tested for STDs every week, the same can't be said for someone who goes for bar hook up sex.  
  3. Bars are essentially 10 dudes draining their wallet to win favor with one female, more on this later.
  4. Rape accusations are far too common when the girl sobers up and regrets what happened.
Why men should not prey on drunk women

First and foremost you will have problems maintaining an erection while drunk.  Thus any sexual encounter will not be as enjoyable or rememberable as it would be if you were sober.  Second, unless you pick up at a bar in the hotel, you will have to leave the bar to get her home or somewhere else to do the deed.  Taxi's are expensive and nobody likes to leave their car behind, thus the temptation to put your life in danger by driving drunk is there.  Furthermore, with impaired judgement will you fail to keep the condom on your less than potent tallywhacker and get her pregnant?  That is 18 years of your money, plus a child that will be subsidized by the taxpayers.

Condoms, even if you manage to keep it on don't keep you safe from all STDs.  If she went home with you after only knowing you for an hour, who else has she gone home with?  Unlike hookers at the brothel, there is no requirement for bar girls to get tested.  

Bars are noisy and almost impossible to have an intelligent conversation with someone.  The lighting is bad and with impaired vision that comes with drinking it makes it that much harder to see visible red flags, such as tan lines around the ring finger (evidence that she is cheating on someone) or herpes sores.  They drain your wallet with no guarantee that you are going to get anywhere.  

Finally the biggest reason of all is because I don't want a false rape accusation.  I don't want a lady to wake up traumatized over her decision to go home and have sex with a perfect stranger and then decide it wasn't her fault because she was drinking.  In far too many cases men are accused of rape simply because alcohol was involved despite the fact that the men were just as drunk as the women.  

Rape is rape.  Rape is forcing sexual activity on someone who is unwilling, be they male or female.    Now you don't have to hold the victim at gunpoint to rape.  A person could be unable to consent.  For example, if I had sex with a person who was unconscious that would be rape.  Statutory Rape is sex with a child who is under the legal age of consent.  Chris Rock said it best when he said, "If a girl says she is 18 and looks 18, she's 12."  Another advantage of dating older women is you can't be accused of a statutory later.

Rape should not be defined as two drunks having sex and one person regrets it in the morning.  So as a precaution for myself I don't do bar girls and when I am out on a date I do not allow my date to consume alcohol.  It is simple, when I take a lady out everything is planned in advance.  I don't show up to pick her up and ask her what does she feel like doing.  By doing that it shows your date that you don't have a clue, and worse it allows her to select a place where alcohol is served.  By planning everything, you take alcohol out of the equation. 

I don't do bar scenes but there have been occasions where I wind up at a bar, such as a hotel and I am grabbing a bite to eat.  Anytime a lady asks me to buy her a drink I instead by one for myself, non-alcholic of course.  This does two things, it makes me stand out from the other suitors who are happy to be human ATMs, but it also lets her know that I have self confidence.  Above looks, financial status, cars, I would say self confidence is the key to hitting it off.  While I am certainly far from drowning in booty, I do ok.  It certainly isn't my looks I promise you that.  Of course the other reason I don't buy a woman a drink is because I don't want to be later accused of rape.  If she is already plastered I simply ignore her until she calls me pig and leaves me alone.  

Men if you just want easy sex, go see a prostitute.  It is safer, caries far less risk of STDs, pregnancy, and false rape accusations.  If you want to meet a companion you are never going to find one in a bar.  The kind of lady you want to introduce to your friends and family you will not find in a bar.

Why women should be on guard when they go to bars

Men only go to bars for a few things.  To hang out with their friends or to get laid.  Of course there is also the guy who just sits at the bar alone drinking away his problems but nobody ever talks about him.  (As a former cab driver I can tell you while most of these people are men, there were a few women as well.)

For the purpose of this article I'm going to focus on the men who cruise bars just looking for sex.  These are men who, if they could, would be in a different bed every night.  You run the risk of catching whatever STD he has.  Alcohol interferes with potency so you have a limp wiener with a condom that keeps falling off. Thus you run into the risk of getting pregnant.  With a 40 percent out of wedlock birthrate, it is clear that these men are not marrying the girls they knock up.  

You don't want to be stuck raising a kid by yourself as it will greatly impact your career or schooling as daycare is expensive, thus you will have to cut back which only hinders your earning potential even further. 

Secondly, having a child makes it that much harder to find and maintain a solid relationship in the future.  You have to arrange your dating schedule around your babysitter and weekend trips are pretty much a fantasy.  

Now I am not saying that women should never go to a bar, but have a plan when you do.  For example, you may want to just go there just to have sex with a stranger.  More power to you, this article really isn't aimed at you.  Rather this article is aimed at women and what steps they can take to avoid getting so drunk they have sex with a stranger and regret it later.

  1. If you just want to have fun, such as a girls night out, then stay as a group.  Take care of each other as a group.  If one of you decides to leave with someone, first check on her to make sure she is sober enough to make this decision, secondly, get the name of the guy she is leaving with.  Take a picture with your smartphone.  This will let the dude know that if anything goes wrong, you all have his name and photo.
  2. Never accept a drink from a man.  While date rape drugs are rare, they do happen.  (Rare is defined as most rapes occur with someone the victim knows as opposed to a stranger.)  If a man is offering you a drink make an excuse not to drink it, say you don't like the taste but ask him to walk with you to the bar and have the bartender make you a fresh drink of your choice.  
  3. Carry condoms in your purse, always.  Don't count on the guy to have them.  Carry more than one, so if the condom breaks or falls off you can put another one.  Also for the love of it all, know how to put a condom on a man.  
  4. If you do decide to leave with someone, let your friends know who you are leaving with and insist on a hotel.  This is a stranger after all and you don't want to be in the guys home where he has the home field advantage and possibly has traps waiting for you.  Hotels also have security and thin walls thus making rape much less likely.  
While some of you may view this article as victim blaming I would ask you to consider this.  Would you walk down a dark alley in the bad part of town?  Of course most of you would say no.  Most of you would take precautions such as going in groups or at least bringing a flashlight.  

Whether you believe Michael Shermer's story or that of his accuser we do know this much.  Both stories admit to heavy drinking, the only difference is to what level Shermer himself got drunk.  To this day, his accuser has never pressed charges against him.  Irregardless of which story you believe to be true, we can agree on this much.  Michael Sherman should not have had sex with a girl who was plastered.  His accuser should have shown greater restraint instead of getting so drunk she had no idea where she was.

You can follow this discussion up with me on twitter.