Saturday, November 22, 2014

What is MGTOW and I can't be one

MGTOW stands for Men Going Their Own Way I will explain briefly what it is but first I wanted to point out two blogs I wrote on similar subjects.  The first is why I can not be a Men's Rights Activist

The second is why I as a man, can not be a feminist.

I would encourage you to read both blog posts prior to this one.  Clicking on either one of them will open up a new tab.  Then you can come back here to finish this post.

MGTOWs believe that society treats men as a disposable commodity.  That they are nothing but living ATMS who are there to pay their taxes, marry women and provide them with a house, then pay alimony and child support when the wife leaves him.

MGTOW is essentially men who have decided not to enter into marriage or other long term relationships. As the name implies each man is going his own way and does so to a varying degree.  Some just refuse to enter into marriage but will partake in long term relationships.  Others prefer to avoid relationships and just center on dating.  A few have decided to give up on women altogether.  

At the core of MGTOW is the focus on self ahead of all others.  Whereas a married man might focus on keeping his wife and kids happy, a MGTOW is self-focused.  This is not to be confused with being selfish. Rather, a MGTOW realizes that everyone he interacts with is also self-focused, so must he be.  An employer will only keep an employee around so long as it is cost effective to do so.  A wife or girlfriend will only stick around as long as she is happy.  This is the mindset of a MGTOW.  The concept of a wife who not only honors her commitment of "till death do us part" but also will put others needs before her own is a concept so foreign it is seen as a unicorn.

While MGTOWs and Mens Rights Activists see women and the world in very similar light, their remedy is vastly different.  Mens Rights Activists seek to change the system to give men equal rights, whereas MGTOWS have decided that the Titanic is sinking and their best bet is the lifeboats.

Another concept you will hear discussed are the two pills.  There is a red pill and a blue pill.  This concept is based on the pill scene from the Matrix.  According to MGTOWs the blue pill represents the society in which we all were raised.  Chivalry is taught but never rewarded.  All you need to attract a woman is to be a nice guy.  You will also hear the term Beta Male when describing these men, as opposed to the Alpha Male the man that gets all the women.

Red pill philosophy is said to be the opposite.  Red pill men claim to view women as how they "really are." and as such limit their interaction with them.  The only use a woman has to these men is sexual, as such they avoid the friendzone.  MGTOWs also will typically avoid jobs that are integrated and instead focus on jobs in which almost all their co-workers are male.  

There is also rare mention of the Purple Pill.  These are said to recognize how the real world works and how women are but are holding out for that unicorn and believe they can catch it.

What MGTOWs and I agree on.
Before I go into to describe what I disagree with them on and why I can't join their movement I would like to discuss what I think they get right.  

The importance of self:  
While we live in a society that works best under cooperation, there is a great value in putting your own needs first.  Instead of looking at the rich people of Wallstreet and resenting them, a man should focus his own efforts in acquiring his own wealth.  Investing in your own education and certifications can improve your earnings potential.  Then ensuring that you save more money than you spend will mean a comfortable retirement.  Getting married young and having children all too often means attaching unnecessary weights to yourself before you are able to get off the ground.  

Furthermore, getting married and starting a family also means added expenses such as a large house and of course you will need a large house instead of a more practical older house that can be paid off easily.  To ensure the safety of your children you will get a new car and make payments on it instead of paying cash for a used one.  MGTOWs realize it is futile to attempt to acquire wealth while trying to support a wife and kids, unless they keep the wife out of the decision making.  MGTOWs also recognize that if he works hard and somehow is able to acquire wealth he can lose it all through divorce.

Why I can't be a MGTOW.
Call me a purple pill if you like, dismiss me as a unicorn hunter but I simply do not want to live without women.  While I agree that it is unwise to get married until I have reached certain goals of financial independence I disagree that it is better to avoid women altogether.

Now thankfully I never have to worry about children.  So there is no risk for me to ever pay child support in the event of a break up.  Alimony would only exist in the event of marriage and in the unlikely event I do decide to take the plunge I would insist on a pre-nup.  Refusal on a pre-nup is a deal breaker.

What is a Unicorn.
A unicorn is an analogy to describe something very rare, so rare that few have ever seen one.  If a unicorn does exist it is almost impossible to catch.  Each man has his own definition of their unicorn.  This one is my definition of a unicorn.  The difference is that I have actually seen mine.

My unicorn is loving and derives her pleasure from helping others.  She is naturally feminine, dresses like a lady, and takes pride in her appearance.  She sees cooking more as an artist might view a blank canvas, rather than just something to put in the microwave.  Just as an artist is happy when others admire the painting, so is she when others enjoy the taste of her food.  

My unicorn has a brain and is able to hold a conversation longer than 140 characters.  She enjoys learning about my day and can't wait to tell me about hers.  She enjoys talking with me, but never talks over me and treats me with respect.  She also recognizes that guys need time to themselves or with other guys.  

My unicorn is clean and organized.  She keeps a day planner in her purse.  She is always on time.  

Like I said, I have seen this unicorn.  I have never had one in my life however.  Other than the day planner my unicorn is almost the exact opposite of my mother for example.  I will say this however, the only place I have ever seen this unicorn is at church.  I've never seen one anywhere else.

So what am I to do.  Hold out for a unicorn?  I don't think so.  Unicorns by definition are rare and almost impossible to catch.  If I were to hold out for a unicorn I might as well settle for a life of dying alone.  So what else is there.  Do I settle for second best and eat the burger while wishing it was steak?  No, if you settle for second best you will never be happy.  You will never be satisfied.

Instead I intend to live.  I will continue to put money away to pay cash for a home.  I will continue to work towards financial independence.  Along the way I will meet someone.  I still believe in love.  Yes, I may get my heart broken every now and then, but as long as I keep fishing, the fish will keep biting.  The option of going home empty is not for me.  

I may never find my soulmate, I may in fact spend the rest of my life in the futility of the hunt.  But going my own way and giving up on women is just something I am not ready to do.

Follow up this discussion on Twitter.

There are two resources used to study MGTOWs for this blog.  The first is the MGTOW website.

The second is the countless videos on MGTOW but I think this one by Sandman is the most condensed and focused on the major points that MGTOWs subscribe to.

Final Note:
This blog is an opinion piece, thus it is my opinion on MGTOW.  By definition of each man going his own way, no doubt each man has his own description of what a MGTOW is.  Long story short, there really can not be any one true definition as each man is free to define his own terms.  As such no doubt those who subscribe to the MGTOW way of thinking may take issue with some of the definitions I used.  I did my best to base my definitions based on MGTOW videos I have seen and blogs I have read.  Even though I disagree with the MGTOW movement I tried to avoid strawman arguments and ad hominem attacks.